CA Sisterhood Sessions (00:00)
if you're going to be distracted, you might as well not even deep dive into the mirror moment because you have to be by yourself and you have to be willing to lay down every distraction.

You have to be willing to do it.

Welcome to Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions. I am your host, Samone and I am so excited you joined us for another session. If you are new here, welcome. Come on in the room. There is space for us all here. I want to start with a question. When was the last time you checked in with Self?

Yeah, the last time that you did self inventory. So this is not like going to a doctor's appointment. No, this is more of the inward reflection. When was the last time you did a check in? Now,

If you always do check-ins and if you're good at self-evaluation, congratulations. We appreciate you. Thank you from all the women all around the world. Thank you. Feel free to share your comments of what has worked for you and what hasn't worked for you. This is for the women who have been running.

and avoiding the self check in. Yeah. You. Yes, you right there. Mm-hmm. You. This is for you. For the women who have been busy with everybody else's problems and situations that you haven't had the time.

to do any self inventory. Yeah, it's for you. have a seat. Come on, come on in and have a seat. It's for you.

Today, I would like to challenge us to what I like to call a mirror moment. And the mirror moment is checking your inward lens. As women, we are really good at looking at others' situation, helping other people unpack their dilemmas.

Helping other people figure out their life and the space that they're in. But oftentimes, we're not so good at doing our own inventory or taking our own advice. We're not so good at that. Yeah, I know that's a tough one. We're really good at telling other people.

how to fulfill their purpose, meet their potential, address hard things. But when it comes to us, we tend to flee, flee from every opportunity to do a self-evaluation. I know it's hard and it's difficult.

Well, today I would like to give you five steps that will assist you in your mirror moment. Before I get into the five steps, I would like to tell you about a mirror moment that I had a few years ago. During this time, I would say that I was really good at being busy in my life.

not really addressing any of the decisions that I have made, just really being busy with tasks and assignments and looking for stuff to do, making myself available for everybody else so that I was too busy or too tired and exhausted to check on my own self, to evaluate and do a self inventory.

I was avoiding and running from this moment like the plague. I would describe it as being both the victim and the villain in my own scary movie. Yeah, that's how I would describe it. I was running for my life from my past decisions.

and behaviors that were chasing me down, chasing me down, haunting me. And I'm screaming and running for dear life. It's my own movie. I'm the co-star in it. I'm the lead in it. And it's all about me.

And I am running for dear life to not have to address the things that I had done, the experiences that I had encountered running for dear life in my own scary movie. Well, it came to a head.

My past decisions and behaviors met me head on. And what I would describe as a mirror moment. Why? Because I was standing in front of my mirror in my bathroom, face full of tears, trying to understand why. How I got here.

face full of tears. And it was heavy. It was heavy.

everything that I'd ever been through, every space that I've ever occupied, every decision that I had ever made, every encounter that I have ever had, every person that I've ever engaged with, every friendship that I've ever had.

Every school that I went to, church that I went to, all those experiences met me head on. And honey, all I could say was it stopped me dead in my tracks. Yes, it did. Yes, it did. It stopped me dead in my tracks. And I know that I'm not the only person who had been fleeing from their past.

experiences because we didn't want to have this self-evaluation moment.

And the mirror moment isn't about tearing yourself down. It isn't about the flaws or mistakes or any of those things. I don't want you to harbor on all of the shoulda, coulda, woulda's. Now you're gonna have to address some of this stuff.

But don't get lost in it. It's not about getting lost and beating yourself up or tearing yourself down. That's not what the mirror moment is about. It's really more about accountability. And for women, that could be hard to hold the mirror up in front of yourself and say, this is who I am. This is who I am. This is who I have been.

I went where? I did what? Yeah, that one's tough. And so standing before my mirror with a face full of tears, having to unpack all the things that I have ever engaged in, I found myself having to walk through one of the most difficult times in my life. Yes, it was difficult.

And nobody could have told me or prepared me for that moment Because like I said, I was running. was running. All my life I had been running. I'm just kidding. But I was running.

And it led me to this moment, and I think it would be beneficial to the women that are listening or people that are listening, because I don't want you to be punched in the face. What a reality of having to unpack some of the hardest times in your life, because you've been running in avoidance of having to answer for what has been done. Yeah,

We have to give an account and we have to answer for what has been done. But the five tips I'm going to give you today will hopefully assist you in this moment and make the blow a little less harsh. Because if you do the work now, you're not going to have to be punched in the face with those decisions and those behaviors because you're going to do the work upfront.

So these five steps that I'm going to give you now are going to help you to unpack so you're not punched in the face. So step one, alone time is required. There can be no distractions, no TV, no music, no whatever you could think of, no other people. Why? Because it's only going to prolong

the mirror moment. It's only going to hinder the work that is required to be done. So there cannot be any distractions. I implore you, please, if you're going to be distracted, you might as well not even deep dive into the mirror moment because you have to be by yourself and you have to be willing to lay down every distraction.

You have to be willing to do it. I know it's going to be hard. It's going to be challenging. And we don't like to be by ourselves. We don't like to be by ourselves. It's uncomfortable. The thoughts that go through our minds, the things that we are faced with when it's quiet can be hard. But you have to be by yourself. Step two, you're going to need some tissue.

Yeah, trust me. You're gonna need it. You're gonna need it. I'm not gonna tell you how much tissue I went through. I'm not gonna tell you how much tissue I went through. It was a lot. It was a lot. That's all I can say is it was a lot.

But you're going to need some tissue, so sis, go and get you some Kleenex, go and get you some toilet paper, whatever you need, prepare yourself to have this moment. It's OK. It's OK. Trust me. You need it. Step three, I'm going to need you to breathe. Yeah. The mirror moment gets heavy. It gets heavy because you are faced with a reality.

of being who you are, being met with who you were.

having to look at the path of how you got to where you are now, it can get heavy. And it's going to require you to breathe. Because if you don't breathe, there's no telling what will happen. You might pass out. And we don't want any of that. So we want you to breathe continually through this process.

There you go. Just like that. I need you to keep breathing. Because you got this. We got this. And sis, it's okay. Step four.

I'm going to give you some inventory questions. Now you might find that these questions are beneficial or you might say to yourself, I need to ask myself something else. Feel free to ask yourself these questions and additional questions. Nothing is off limits. This is your mirror moment. So the inventory questions I have for you to get you started are,

Who am I? We all must ask ourselves who we are. Where have I been? This question is a tough one because where I have been doesn't just mean the vacations you have taken. It doesn't just mean all of the good experiences. It means where have you been?

When I had my mirror moment, I found that I was in spaces that I had no business being in, that I had allowed situations to transpire in my life that I knew, I knew better, I knew better. But yet, here we were, having to be accountable to that decision.

In my mirror moment, I had to go back. Yeah, a couple of years I had to go back. And you can go back as far as you would like. Some people have gone back all the way to their childhood. Some people just keep it within a couple of years, four to five years. Whatever you are comfortable with and whatever you are ready for, go back that far. You'll get to the other hard stuff, but go back as far as you're comfortable with right now.

everywhere you have been, the clubs, the parties, all of it, all of it, unpack it, put it on the table. We're calling it to the carpet, put it on the table. Yep, don't tuck it underneath the carpet, put it on top of the carpet so you can see it. But you have to see it. I hear y'all yelling at me, stop yelling at me.

You have to put it on top of the carpet so that you can see it, so that you can address it. Because if you keep sticking it underneath the rug and running for your dear life in your own scary movie, you're not really going to accomplish the mirror moment. So yes, you have to put it on top of the carpet. OK. And so then you have to ask, where are you now?

Not in your possessions, not in the things that you own, but where are you now? Where are you spiritually? Where are you mentally? Where are you emotionally? Are there some things that require some work? Are there some wins that you have?

Were there or are there some decisions that have led you to where you are right now that require additional assessment?

Then I want you to ask what have you been holding hostage or who have you been holding hostage? Hear me out. Hear me out. Not physically holding people hostage. If you're doing that, release them.

you know better. But who have you been holding hostage to your purpose? Who have you been dragging along the way? ⁓

as you fulfill your purpose. Because somewhere along the line, somebody told us that we couldn't walk into our purpose by ourselves. Somebody told us that we needed an entourage to walk into our purpose. Somebody told us that we needed to be armed and armed with a BFF or somebody else to walk into our purpose. And so we have been holding people hostage to our destiny, the destiny that we're required to answer for, not them.

If you've been holding somebody hostage, release them. Let them go.

They have a purpose that they must fulfill. They are accountable to their own purpose that they have to fulfill. So let them go.

What have you been holding hostage that you've been holding onto for dear life? Because if you let this thing go, if you let this perception go, if you let this idea go, then you don't know who you're going to be. Then you don't know who you are. If you let this pain go, then who are you without the pain?

If you let that friendship go, then who are you without the friendship? If you let that person go, then who are you without the person? If you let the drama go, then who are you without the drama? What have you been holding hostage as an identifier to you?

And the last one I want to ask you is, what do you own? What do you own?

not your physical possessions, not the material things that you have acquired over time, but what do you own? Out of every question that you have asked yourself, who are you, where have you been, where are you now, what or who are you holding hostage, what do you own?

Because as you look through all of those questions and as you begin to answer all of those questions, hopefully you will find that there is a common denominator. And sis, that common denominator is you.

You are the common denominator. Yeah, and it's OK. So what do you own? Whether it be bad decisions that you made, you own it. Yeah, I did do that. And I did that for this reason. I thought it was beneficial. I thought I was doing what was right. But honestly, I was just.

operating outside of my purpose. I was just operating outside of what I knew to be true because I was looking for comfort in the wrong places, because I was looking for validation from people that couldn't offer me any, because I was looking to be accepted

Out of all the experiences that you have had, what do you own? And it's important for you to own the roles that you have played because people won't be able to use it against you once you own it. People won't be able to go up and dig anything from your past once you own it.

People won't be able to hold anything over your head because you've already owned it. I've already addressed it. I've already owned it. And that thing doesn't impact me that way. I have no guilt towards it. I have no shame towards it because I've addressed it. I've owned it. That's the decision that I made at the time. I know that it was wrong. And I am actively making better decisions. I have committed myself to making more accountable decisions that benefit me in the long run.

Because if we're honest, the decisions that you made were the decisions that you made. Say that again. The decisions that you made were the decisions that you made. Yeah. Sit in that for a second.

When we are doing self inventory, it is important that we keep the lens facing inward. That we don't fall into the trap of making somebody else responsible for where we are, where we have been, and where we are now.

that we understand that we played a part and we own our role and we're accountable to the role that we played.

and that we are willing to grow beyond that moment.

I know we get real good at telling our stories through the lens of victimhood. through the lens of what people have done to me. And you don't understand because they did this and they that and they and they and they.

And don't get me wrong, some people are responsible for the way that they have impacted you. They are.

But we more so should be accountable to the roles that we played at an even greater scale of what we have allowed, what we have chosen, what we have accepted into our lives. We have to own those moments.

so that we're able to Come out on the other side of the trauma the pain the drama the Delusion

that we're able to free ourselves of our past, of our past experiences, and we are able to be present where we are, show up as our best selves right now with our heads held high. And we're able to look towards the future that we want, and we're able to call that future forward.

Because we know where we have been and what we have done, and we are accountable to those things. And we are present, experiencing the love and people that have chosen to be into our lives, and that we have strategically selected to be in our lives. And that we are pouring into our future with the decisions that we make today. Step five, and our final step.

is to apologize to yourself and to affirm yourself. Now these two go hand in hand. And I'll explain why. Apologizing to yourself is important because as I previously stated, we are really good at shining a light on what others have done.

We are really good at pointing the finger towards the unhealed spaces in our lives

Once we take accountability and we address and become aware of what we own, we have to apologize for hurting ourselves. And I'm not talking about a physical hurt if you're.

Having difficulties navigating physical hurt, ask you to talk to a loved one, reach out for support, contact 911 if you are in need of emergency assistance, or get to one of your local hospitals or one of your mental health professionals so that you can seek the help that you need. But right now, I am talking about the hurt that is...

on the spiritual side of things, the hurt that is what we have done to ourselves with our behaviors and decisions. And that I had to tell myself sorry when I was having that mirrior moment after I unpacked the journey, after I unpacked every place that I had been, every person that I had encountered and engaged, every bad choice that I had made, every bad decision that I had made, even the good decisions that I had made.

and the wins that I had had in my life, once I got to the space of ownership over all of those things and over all of those experiences, it relieved a heavy weight in my life and it was able to get me to the space where I was able to tell myself sorry. Self, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you.

and I'm sorry for looking towards others to give me what I could not give to myself. For looking to others to say and uplift me in a way that I couldn't do it for myself. Looking...

towards others to validate me and give me the confidence to be comfortable in my own skin.

I had to apologize to myself.

And some of you may not understand what that means.

but apologizing to yourself for.

not trusting in what God had already placed on the inside of you. Yeah, that's tough, that hits. Having to apologize to yourself to say, self, I let you down.

I didn't protect you the way that I was supposed to protect you.

I did not honor you, self, the way that I was supposed to honor you.

Because when you realize that you...

were the common denominator and you realize that the decisions that you made were the decisions that you made.

Additionally, you cannot leave a mirror moment and not affirm yourself. And affirming yourself is absolutely necessary because once you pack the things that were heavy, once you pack the things that were overwhelming, you have to speak life back into yourself. And that is a requirement. That is non-negotiable.

Step five is non-negotiable. You have to be able to speak life back into yourself. And women understand that it may start out with a superficial. It may start out with you just taking your physical attributes and uplifting And what I mean is that when I stood before the mirror in my mirror moment as I unpacked the decisions that I made in my life, I had to tell myself that I was beautiful.

And I had to start with my hair all the way down, every single part of me. Why? Because I had to get to a space where I loved every single thing about me. And it was not necessary for a person on the outside to validate any of my attributes because I,

believed that they were important and beautiful and intentionally given to me by the creator. Intentionally placed because that's how I was designed. And it was good. And it was beautiful. And there are no mistakes.

looking at myself and telling myself in the mirror that there are no mistakes

And it was intentional by the creator. And I had to sit with that. I had to come to terms with that. But then I able to transition into some different attributes that spoke to my spirituality, that spoke to what I wanted to give into the world and how I showed up for people. Affirmations that were, I belong.

I'm supposed to be here. And you, you too. In every room, in every door that is open unto you and you have invitation and space to go, you belong there. Don't minimize who you are or make yourself small. Because making yourself small has never been a requirement. It's never been a part of the plan.

affirm yourself because if you don't believe that you're good enough or that you're worthy enough or that you are skilled enough or talented enough or you are important, how in the world do we expect to land positively on other people?

If we can't say anything good about ourselves, how do we expect others to see the beauty that is on the inside of us, to see the value of what we possess if we don't believe in ourselves?

And for those of you that have had a mirror moment or going through the mirror moment, I want to hear from you. I want to know how it's going. I want to know if you asked yourself different questions. I want to know what worked.

And how often, how often do you do self inventory? How often do you do self check ins? I want to hear from you. You can email me at Samone that's S-A-M-O-N-E, S-A-M-O-N-E, Samone@CASisterhoodSessions.com. You can comment below this post, depending on what platform you're listening on. I want to hear from you.

The mirror moment is really about accountability. And it is really about not being delusional to how we got to where we are and not being delusional to where we have been and why. Understanding why.

It's important because you have to do the work.

Well, that does it for us today for the Mirror Moment session. I really hope you go through the five steps. Trust me, your life will never be the same. There is purpose in the Mirror Moment, Until next time,