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Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions
This is your space to explore honest, empowering conversations about womanhood. From personal reflections to bold community discussions, I’m here to spark thought-provoking dialogue that connects women across the globe.
Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions
The Feedback Conversation Most People Fear
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Let’s talk about something that most of us say we want… but often struggle to receive feedback.
Constructive feedback can feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it can even feel personal. But one of the most important shifts we can make is remembering that feedback is not usually an attack. In many cases, it’s actually a gift an opportunity to grow in ways we might not see on our own.
Before I ask someone for feedback, I try to prepare myself mentally. I take a moment to pause, breathe, and remind myself that I’m choosing to learn. That small step helps me stay open. Because if we enter those conversations with a defensive mindset, we miss the entire point. Instead of listening to understand, we start listening just to defend ourselves.
And when that happens, the feedback never really lands.
Another thing that makes a big difference is asking the right questions. The truth is, the kind of feedback you receive often depends on the kind of questions you ask. If the question is vague, the answer will probably be vague too.
For example, asking someone, “How do I come across?” might not give you much clarity. But asking something more specific like, “Can you share a moment when I didn’t listen well?” or “Was there a time when my communication felt overly critical?” that opens the door to real insight.
I remember asking a friend once if there had been a moment when I came across as overly critical in a conversation. That single question turned into a really honest dialogue about my communication style and how sometimes my intentions didn’t match how my words actually landed.
Once someone starts sharing feedback, the most important thing we can do is listen. Really listen. Resist the urge to interrupt or immediately explain yourself. Let the person finish their thoughts. Sometimes the best thing we can do in that moment is simply absorb what’s being said.
I’ve also learned that reflection is powerful. After those conversations, I like to step away and give myself time to process what I heard. I’ll even jot down a few notes, because writing helps me organize my thoughts and really understand what the feedback means.
But here’s the key part feedback only matters if we actually use it. Insight without action doesn’t create growth.
So after reflecting, try to identify one or two small steps you can take moving forward. For me, after hearing that I sometimes dominate conversations, I made a conscious effort to ask more open-ended questions and create more space for others to share.
Those small adjustments can have a big impact.
At the end of the day, constructive feedback helps us see our blind spots. It helps us become better communicators, better leaders, and better friends. And when we approach feedback with curiosity instead of defensiveness, it becomes one of the most powerful tools for personal growth.
So here’s something to think about: who in your life is honest enough and cares enough to give you real feedback?
And when they do… will you be open enough to hear it?
Because growth often starts with the courage to ask and the humility to listen.
CA Sisterhood Sessions (00:21)
Welcome back everyone to Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions. I am your host Samone and I am so thrilled that you decided to join us today. Today's session is all about our outward lens. This session is going to require some constructive feedback.
It's gonna require us to have some conversations, not just with anybody, random people, or people that don't mean something to us. It's gonna require us to evaluate our circle of influence,
I want to take some time to prepare you to receive this feedback. The preparation is important because once you tap into your circle of influence in your...
Your people, your friends, your loved ones. Once you begin to tap into them, you're going to require something of them.
So I want to prepare us to receive this feedback from those we value.
I want you to get a pen, get some paper, and I really want you to sit down and think about this question.
What kind of wife, daughter, mother, friend, or sister are you? Now this question is very, very important and I need you to be honest. That's why I said I really want you to sit down and take some time.
to go through this question. And I don't want you to just do the common thing that we always do when we ask ourselves these questions. I want you to be able to open up and dive into this a little bit. So take some time. Don't rush through it. Give yourself a moment to really process this question.
And I don't want you to do the, I'm nice, I'm kind. Don't do it like that. I really want you to think about when the people that you value are experiencing a critical point in their lives, when the people that you value are facing a challenging moment, how do you show up for them? When things are going OK in those individuals' lives,
What kind of person are you to them? Do things just need to be bad and chaotic for you to reach out to someone and check on them?
So take some time to really dive into this question and be honest with yourself. It only works if you are honest with yourself.
And as you do that, and whatever the answer is that you come up with, be OK with that. Be confident about what that answer is. But I want to take it a step further. I have to take it a step further. What if I told you that your circle may see you differently?
Yeah. What if I told you that the people that you value, although your intentions are good or although you may be a great person and although you are working on yourself, those that you value may be getting a different read from you than you anticipate. I know. Don't freak out. Don't panic. Okay?
it's important for us to understand that our intentions of what we say and how we show up for others may not be how we land on them. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
I say this because
I had to take a moment to evaluate my outward impact.
how I was landing on people. And it was tough. It was challenging to hear others give me that constructive feedback that I asked for. I asked for it. And I thought I was prepared to receive the answers because I thought.
I was a great person. I thought I was a phenomenal friend. I thought any time you call and I answer, I missed your call, I'll call you back. And I thought that was all that was required to be a good friend, a good sister, a good mother, daughter, wife, fill in the blanks of whatever those things are. And to my surprise,
The feedback that I got was a little bit different than my intention. And I had to sit with that for a while. I had to come to grips with how I was landing on people
was not conducive to building that person up. It was not conducive to strengthening relationships. It was not conducive to ensuring that I was being to those individuals what they needed me to be. I was just being myself. And I thought that
It didn't require any change. To my surprise, there was still work that needed to be done. So why does this matter? Well, I'm glad you asked. Thanks for asking. It matters because we cannot be stagnant as we are transitioning through our self-growth or through the work of self-evaluation
we can't be stagnant in a place and just be okay with doing the work in one area, missing a whole opportunity in this area, and never transitioning to a space of growth. So we can't be stagnant.
We've talked about in some of our sister sessions about our inward lens. And that is important for us to do that work on the inside so that we are healing ourselves of the things that have been traumatic for us. And we are being honest about the experiences that we have had in our lives. But then we are able to transition into a place of forgiveness. And then we are able to walk through that forgiveness and free ourselves of the burden and
weight that others tried to put on us. But then we also must, and I repeat we must, transition into a place where we are aware of how we are landing on others. Why?
Because if I just walk into a room and I'm always flying off at the handle, I'm always saying the first thing that comes to my mind, I'm never taking a moment to just stop and pause and evaluate to see where that person is in their life. Are they ready to receive the information that I have to give to them? Are they ready to experience all my joy and laughter and fun and upbeat energy? Are they in the mood?
for me to dump on them? Are they in a space to receive the weight of what I have to give to them? We have to be cognizant of paying attention to the people that we say we value. We just cannot always go into a place with the
idea or the the notion of just I I I and me me me and it's all about how I view the world and all of these things that we're not cognizant about how we land on others and we have to take a moment to take a beat and sit down
Be quiet and hear from the other side of our friendships, of our relationships, so that we are not having tunnel vision, thinking that everything is OK, thinking that people are loving everything about us, that we are actually doing the work.
And sometimes it's daily, sometimes it's monthly, it's whatever it looks like for you. But we have to be willing to continue to grow in all these spaces in our lives. And it's not just something that we can put down. We have to be willing to do it Maybe not daily, but frequently. We must be able to evaluate frequently. Take a beat.
sit down frequently.
We have to put ourselves in a position where we are able to hear, receive, evaluate, and process the information and feedback
So you have to pick people when you are preparing to ask for their feedback about what type of person you have been to them. You have to pick the individuals, one, that you value. And then two, you have to pick individuals who are not going to tell you what you want to hear. Yep. We all have those people in our lives.
our Yes Corner. Yes, girl. You're such a good friend. I love you. I love everything about you. Yes, living our best lives.
I want you to find those people in your circle that are able to give you that constructive feedback where they are honest to say, yeah, you have good wisdom, you have some good advice, but man, you can be aggressive in your delivery.
Yes, I love to call you. I love to share ⁓ my concerns or I love to share what's going on with you in my life. But sometimes you go on a tangent and I don't feel like you're hearing me.
You need those friends that are able to give you the things that are uncomfortable. Why? Because it challenges us. It stretches us. It takes us to that next level so that we're preparing ourselves to be better than we were the day before. You have to understand that in the moment you ask somebody for feedback,
Don't ask them if you're not going to be serious about it. So I want you to make sure that you're prepared to take notes while you're gathering that data and while you're gathering the information that they're sharing with you from their point of view and their perspective. Don't tell them they're wrong. Don't tell them they got you messed up. Don't be defensive.
They're just sharing how you have landed on them and all the experiences that you have ever had together. And listen, because it will help you. Listen, because it will grow you.
Listen, because there may be something that you are unconsciously doing that is negatively impacting those relationships and keeping you from a deeper relationship. Yes.
If you're not building in your friendships, relationships, if you're not being a mutually beneficial party, if you're not being an asset to that friend or to those loved ones, and you're just draining and you're just pouring on to people and you're never, ever, ever considerate of the other person, that's problematic and it's not okay.
It's not OK. What I need you to do after you get that information and you gather that data, now this is only for those who are serious about taking that next step and getting to the place of becoming a better person. This is for those individuals that you are going to review that information.
And the number of people that you ask is up to you. You want to ask one person? Do one person. You want to ask five people? Five people. Ten. Whatever you're comfortable with. Do that. I'm not asking you to go out and interview coworkers and do all of that. No, because that's a whole different field.
But I want you to ask the people that you value, you care about, and you want to ensure that those relationships continue for 10, 15, 20 years down the road. Those relationships that matter to you. While you're reading and evaluating and unpacking those results from the feedback that you have gathered, it is important that you eat the meat and throw away the bone.
And what I mean when I say that is I want you to take the substance.
of what has been shared with you. And I want you to throw out all of the defensiveness. I want you to throw out all of the excuses of why you're not that person. I want you to throw out all of the reasons why you haven't been that type of person. I want you to put all of that stuff somewhere else. Get rid of it, throw it in the trash, toss it away, ball it up. I don't care what you do with that information because it's not relevant.
bones is insufficient, it's insignificant, It's not about being defensive about the information that you receive. One of the hardest things that we have ever done or one of the hardest things that
I had to walk through was being honest with or hearing, would say, hearing some of the honest feedback from my family about how I was landing on them.
And that was tough because I love them. And they have been with me since I was a kid, right? So they got all my quirks and all of my goofy things that I did. I thought they understood that. And I thought it was OK. I thought it was OK to never have to change because I'm just me. I'm just Samone, right?
And to my surprise, they were annoyed, to say the least. They were annoyed by some of the things I was doing.
by some of the comments that I've been saying, some of the overbearingness I was demonstrating in those relationships.
It's one thing to say, hey, here's my advice because you asked. And it's another thing to say, here is my unsolicited advice and I don't care how it lands on you and I'm gonna tell you anyway because I know better than you. That is different. Do you see the difference in those two things?
Yeah, one is I'm going to be receptive to what you're saying and your advice and your feedback. And the other is stop talking to me. Yeah.
And when I heard that that is how I was landing on them, it was my decision to make a choice about do I continue down this path? Do I destroy these relationships? Do these relationships even matter to me? Do they even matter enough for me to make some small adjustments in my life to have better relationship with the people I care about?
And the answer was, it mattered. So I made some changes and adjustments and still continually, daily, making changes and adjustments so that I understand myself better and understand how I'm impacting others. And then as we get all that feedback and we have taken the meat from the feedback and information and data that we have gathered,
What do we do? What do we do with that information? As you are looking at it, is there any additional work that needs to be done? Do you need to go back and readjust your inward lens? Do you need to go back and walk through forgiveness about some of the things that has been shared with you?
did you learn something about yourself that was valuable or new?
Did something surprise you when you received the feedback? Did something catch you off guard? And you were like, I know I'm not landing on people in that way. Well,
I want to challenge you to be more intentional and aware of how you are landing on others because it matters. It matters how we impact others matter. We could make or break a person with how we land on them. No, it may not be our intention and we may not intend to land so harshly on someone.
but we can make or break a person by how we land on them. And we are responsible for that. So I challenge you to continue to do the work. I challenge you to continue coming into the sisterhood. I challenge you to continue to check on one another, love on one another, empower one another, and uplift each other.
Because this is more than just a sisterhood. It's a lifeline. Until next time, I am your host, Samone, and you have been listening to Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions.
