Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions (00:00)
You are now tuned in to Challenge Accepted Sisterhood sessions where your host Samone dives into all things women. During these sessions, Samone takes on some of the misconceptions of womanhood and challenges women to become their best selves while embracing the love of the sisterhood. Like, share, and subscribe so you never miss a session.

CA Sisterhood Sessions (00:21)
Welcome back to Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions. I am your host, Samone, and I am so glad that you decided to tune in today. Well, today, it's going to be a simple topic for us that many people are familiar with. And we're going to talk about preparation. Yeah. What are we preparing for? Maybe you have.

looked at your life and done an evaluation

and you have noticed that some things need to change. Or maybe you have been considering doing something different. So we ask, is it time for change?

Maybe it is time for a new row, a new career, a new path or direction. Maybe you're thinking about marriage.

family, maybe new friendships and new connections.

When we think about making these transitions, there are some things that we need to consider. Yeah. So we need to consider, first of all, what needs to be changed? What direction are we trying to go in? What does the next step look like? Where do we want to go? So we have to figure that out first.

And then we have to ask ourselves, why do we want to take that route? Why is it important for us to go in this new direction or change things up from the way that they have been? Why or what is our intent behind the change? Yeah, why are we needing to do the change right now?

why this specific change? And why is this change the most important thing that needs to happen at the top of your to-do list? We also need to consider who we are making the change for. Are we making the change to better ourselves?

Are we making the change because others have said that it would be a great idea? Are we making the change because we think it will impact our relationships in a new way? Are we making the change because we want to be in better graces with someone? Are we making the changes because it is the thing that we want to do and we believe that it's going to be the most beneficial thing for our lives?

then we need to consider when making this change, what will be impacted? Yes. So sometimes when we make changes, whether we are doing a well thought out plan and adjustment of our lives, or if we're making a rational decision, we don't think about the domino effects that happens from the decisions that we make or we plan and intend to make.

And so we must be diligent in our efforts when we are considering such changes, especially if they're significant changes. And you have children, you have a spouse, you have loved ones that the change will also impact. You have to think about the ripple effect that your decision is going to make in a long term way.

What is going to look different? Are there going to be different requirements of your time, different financial requirements? We need to consider what the whole impact is of our decision

Then we also need to consider when. When are we planning to make this change? Because we find ourselves sometimes in a position where we are talking about change and we get comfortable just with the conversation of change. We are

talking about this dynamic change in our friend groups. We're talking about this dynamic change in our jobs, in our workplaces. We're talking about this dynamic change with our loved ones. And we're journaling about this change, praying about this change. And we are just, every month, every year, every other year, we are talking about the same changes that we want to make and how hopeful we are about making these changes.

get stuck in the preparation phase or we get stuck in the analyzing and planning phase that we forget the other part, which is we need to make a timeline or we at least need to set a start date. Not necessarily a timeline of starting completion, but at least put a start date on the calendar where you are making a commitment to start your project

you're making the commitment to begin to apply yourself to whatever the change is. You're going to put on the calendar and you're going to hold yourself accountable.

to the actual date, the actual time that the change needs to start. And the process is not going to be perfect when it gets started, right? It's not going to be something that we have it all figured out. I'll tell you a story.

So when I was a single parent for several years and I had a desire to be married, I wanted to be married ever since I was a little kid. And throughout life decisions and choices, I found myself in a space of being a single parent. But that is not a place that I wanted to stay in. And so...

I made a decision to begin to work on myself. made a decision to start to take some necessary steps in evaluating my behavior, evaluating why I had made the decisions up until this point in my life. I had to do a real deep dive into

some things that I needed to forgive myself of. then once I had gone through that work, I want to say it took me about a year, maybe two years to really sit with myself, like really just sit and unpack.

to really sit with myself and figure out where I was and how I got into that space. And as I began to do that, I also focused on my daily tasks, the daily things that I needed to get done. And I made myself more intentional with my everyday responsibilities. And so I got really good at being an adult.

Yes, I got really good at adulting and the single moment of my life or the single parenthood in my life. And I believed with everything on the inside of me that I was ready for marriage.

Yeah, I had mastered the stage that I was in. And I thought because I had the mastery in being a single parent, that those skills would transition me into being married and being a wife because I had mastered just really adulting.

And fast forward probably a couple years later after that particular moment when I made the decision that I had mastered this phase of my life and I was ready to take the next step, which was becoming a wife, I began talking to my husband now, right, who was a friend at the time. And we just began to build a relationship and conversation. And as we built, he eventually asked for my hand in marriage, which was hands down,

one of the best days of my life. when he asked for my hand in marriage, it was a surprise, it was a blessing, it was an honor. All the emotions ran through. And I said to myself, you got this. And I said it with so much confidence that I really believed in myself as well.

And after we had gotten married and we were making our lives transition and, you know, bank accounts and finances and, you know, buying a home and doing all of those things and...

as within that first year, it was the hardest year, not for the marriage, but for me as an individual who thought that they had mastered skills that would transition into the marriage. And I did not believe at the beginning of my marriage that there were things that I still needed to grow through and things that I still needed to work on because I thought I had arrived.

Yeah, and that was a wake up moment for me because I was very adamant that I knew what I was doing. I was very adamant that I had it figured out. And if he just trusted me, that things would turn out well for us.

And I really had to sit down with myself and I chuckle now because thinking back on it, I was not a very pleasant wife at the beginning because I was in, what do we say, I was battling for position in my marriage. was battling for that control. You can't tell me what to do because I know, right? I've lived this life and I know.

and feeling like I was being discounted when I really wasn't. And so in that moment, it really took me a while for the Holy Spirit to really tap on my shoulder and say like, okay, I need to grow you and I need you to be open to the idea that you have not arrived.

and for a person who works diligently on, I'm not going to say perfection, but.

obtaining a lot of information, obtaining a lot of skill, having a lot of expertise, I like to information gather and I like to know. I like to organize information. I like to analyze it until I can't analyze it no more. I like to read. And so for me, I thought that because I had done those things that I was ready and...

I walked in a misconception that there was no further room for growth. And I think that's where I erred.

the most, I think believing that there was no room for growth caused me to error in the beginning of my marriage. And because he loved me, because my husband loves me so much, he was so patient with me to grow through the moment. And not saying that there were not moments where we had to have some talks or some come to.

come to Jesus moments and have some understandings. But overall, he was just so patient with not discarding me as his wife. And he had to have a real conversation with me, when we are having a disagreement or we are

you know, not on the same terms, it doesn't mean the end of a thing. And I'm like, oh, OK. Well, I never thought about that, because I thought if you argue, then the relationship's over. You know, you go your separate ways, and you figure it out like that. And he's like, no, no, no, no. There's some stuff that we need to figure out.

And so when I became receptive to what my husband was putting down and when I became receptive to that information, it began to change my view of our relationship. It began to change my view of the growth that I still needed to make. And because I had that misconception that I had mastered one phase of my life, that I would walk into a new phase or new path.

and in a new direction or a new role as a master, yeah, as a master and a conqueror of this new role. I thought I was coming in at the top. And what I soon realized and what I soon found out was every level, right, every new chapter, you have to start at...

the beginning. You have to start at the first experience. You have to start at the first, I don't want to say the bottom because it makes it seem so

It makes it seem so negative. You gotta start at the bottom. Not in the sense of like negativity, but to grow, right? If I started a new chapter, I'm gonna start on page one of that chapter, right? If I go into the first level of the house, it's going to be on the bottom level. If I go into a new career, I'ma start in a...

entry-level position. so understanding that being in a marriage or starting a marriage was me starting at the entry level of being a wife.

I did not think about that at the time, but I was beginning at the entry level. Yes, I was a good mom. Yes, I was a good individual. Yes, I knew how to take care of some chores around my apartment. Yes, I knew how to figure out how to change a tire, change a light in my car. Yes, I knew how to maneuver those things, but I had never been a wife before. So to believe that I could master, to believe that I could walk in at the highest

level of being a wife is pretty delusional if I say so myself, but that is what I believed. And so for my husband to have all of these expectations or all of these requirements of what

was needed for us to function within the household and within the kingdom and for us to come to a good space, it was different than how I had operated when I was by myself with just me and my son. so trying to transition that in my mind required some work. And so I say that because I had to come to a point

where I was determined to start somewhere. I had to stop making up excuses as to why it couldn't work and as to why I could never get it and as to why I would never develop to that space. And I had to really begin to prepare myself in a new way.

And so when I say to prepare yourself, whatever change that you are going to make or you're interested in making, we have to understand what it looks like to be prepared for the next role, the next opportunity. Because I wasn't forward thinking when I was growing and developing in my single era.

I was not growing and developing myself to become a wife. I was interested in being a wife. I desired to be a wife, but I did not do the preparation to become a wife. And so, yes, I sat with myself. Yes, I was in the Word. Yes, I was praying. Yes, I was fasting. I was doing those things, but I was not really applying any applicable skills because...

there was nowhere to apply them because I was by myself. And so just because I had the information, I thought that that was sufficient enough to have a long lasting marriage. And so I had to understand what it meant to be prepared and to be prepared means to make ready. I wasn't ready. I had mastered a different level, but I wasn't made ready at that place just yet.

It means to set. It means to establish. It means to put things into a suitable order. It means to make oneself ready. To make oneself ready and to put things into a suitable order. To put things into a suitable order.

I know, some people don't like that word order. And it's not OK that you don't like it, but.

But I mean, here we are, right? It is a part of this definition. And so to put things into a suitable order, and I didn't know what that suitable order looked like. And I could even transition the conversation into workspaces. Knowing that a test for promotion is coming up or knowing that a new position going to become available.

figuring out what is required and the steps to make myself ready for that role or to put my affairs into a suitable order or

to align myself with what the suitable order is requires more work than I think we're really ready to give or more work than we're willing to give at times. And I think most of the time we like the idea of a new role, of a new position, of obtaining new resources and opportunities and all of those things, but we really don't want to do the

We don't want to do those things. just want it. We want the position, want the role, we want the title, we want everything that comes with the position, everything that comes with the title, whether it's more time off, whether it is notability, But we are most of the time unwilling to walk through

the progression to become ready for the actual position. And so it brings me to the next point of before a transition can actually take place, before a change can actually happen, there are some things that have to go into place before we can actually walk through making the change.

right, or applying the change. And so effort is hands down the number one thing that we are going to have to apply. And it's not going to be the, had a conversation about it, I thought about it, I wrote it in my journal, then I closed the journal, I hid the journal underneath my bed, I never opened the journal again. Matter of fact, I don't even know if the journal's up underneath my bed anymore. So that is not.

effort. That is, I had a thought, I had a good idea, it sounded good, I wrote it on paper, and then I forgot about it. That's not the effort I'm talking about. I'm talking about, had an idea, I had a thought, there's a new opportunity, there's a new door, there's a new direction, a new path.

I want to be married, I want to have a family, I want to embrace new friendships or be a better friend. And I'm going to do some research about how to do it. Or I'm going to educate myself and be in an educational period specifically for this change or specifically for this next direction. I'm going to spend some time doing some research and educating myself about

the requirements. Yeah. And once you begin to start to educate yourself about the requirements, you're going to have to analyze those requirements. And when I say analyze those requirements,

Ask yourself if you are ready to produce the required outcomes. Now hear me out. Just like a job description.

There are some educational requirements. There are some things that you need before they will even put your name in the hat to be considered for the role. There are also some job responsibilities or requirements that are a part that come with the job title that come with the position that come with the role.

And so when you are assessing you find those job requirements.

And as you read those job requirements, you say to yourself, I have this degree. I've done that before. I'm willing to do this. I don't know what that is, but I'm pretty sure I can handle that. And you walk down that job title or the job description, and you figure out what you are willing to produce as an outcome, what you are capable of producing as an outcome.

Just like in our lives, it is the same thing. Whether it is relationships and marriage, whether it's being a parent, whether it is having a home, whether it's getting into business, whatever it is, there are requirements. Yes, things that are absolute, things that are non-negotiable, and things that can be delegated to others, there are certain things that are required of you

as the applicant. And so because you are putting your name in the hat to go to the next level, because you have made the statement and the declaration that you are ready to walk in a new direction and you are ready for this change, you have made a commitment to this change, you are saying that you are ready to produce the required outcomes. When you accept

proposal when you accept that a man has asked you for your hand in marriage you are accepting the job requirements that are on the application.

When you are walking into a new position in your job, you are accepting that you are going to be responsible and accountable to the outcomes. Because if you don't produce the required outcomes, then that could be grounds for termination. That could be grounds to get rid of you. That could be grounds to find somebody else to fill the role. And so we have to be very careful when we talk about

preparing for the new role and we talk about getting ourselves in line and in tune with our next steps. When we talk about what we want to do and what we want to become, we find ourselves at a fork in the road. And the fork in the road is, are you going to fulfill the job requirements? Are you going to fulfill the role responsibilities? Or are you going to be the same person you've always been?

Are you going to operate under the delusion that you have already mastered a role that you've never been in before? Are you going to walk in society believing that you are at the top of the food chain and this is something brand spanking new to you? Are you going to walk in, because a lot of people say we fake it until we make it, and I challenge you to stop doing that.

Stop faking it. You either got it or you don't. If you don't got it, it's fine. Ask for help. If you don't got it, that's fine. Do some research. Self-educate. Figure out what's missing. But don't just fake it. Don't play pretend. Don't play pretend, because you're causing harm to yourself. You're causing harm to your employer. And I use employer lightly, because I'm not talking about the actual job role. I'm not talking about an actual corporate job. I'm talking about in our everyday personal

walks, I'm talking in our relationships, I'm talking about as parents. Don't fake it. If you don't know, there's so many resources out here to go find help and to get the resources that you actually need so that you can be competent in the role. Yeah. Don't, don't, this time out for all the faking and playing pretend.

because you knew when you signed up for it that there were requirements. And now you can't pitch a fit because the employer has come to collect on the outcomes.

Yeah, because your husband has come to collect on the outcomes that you said you were willing to do, the promises that you were willing to make. Because your friends have called you and they have come to collect on the type of friend that you said you were willing to be to them. Because your children have come before you and have asked for guidance and leadership, they are coming to collect because you have made a statement and a declaration that you are going to be a good parent, you're going to be a good mom.

And if you didn't make those declarations and you have children, it is still your responsibility to be a good mom and a good parent because they are yours, they are here, and it is your responsibility to do good and be good unto them.

It's a requirement. If you have decided to step into a room that you said that you were prepared for, it is your responsibility and requirement to figure out how to produce the outcomes. You said you wanted to start that business. Now produce the outcomes.

You said you wanted to go on that trip or you wanted to go on these trips every year. You wanted to be this influencer. You wanted to be this travel agent or you wanted to do whatever now produce the outcomes. It's not enough to just make ourselves ready.

It's not just enough to read and research. It's not just enough to go to church and pray and be kind to people. It's not enough to just do those things. That's at the very bottom level of who we should be as good human beings, as good individuals, as good men and women in the world. But now we're talking about

living up to the requirements of these roles in these positions that we are taking, now we are required to produce some outcomes. Yes.

We said that we were going to step into this new row, supervisory row, we'll go back to work, this supervisory row. We said we were gonna step into this new supervisory row and now we're annoyed with the ask of the people that are up underneath us or we are bothered by people needing us all the time or people wanting something from us or people expecting us to be competent in our roles or people expecting us to have an answer. Now we're bothered.

We're bothered because we're unable to produce the outcome and we don't want people to know that we've been faking it and playing pretend to get into the role so we have created this this irritation. Now we're just so annoyed. We're annoyed with coming to work. We're annoyed with being in the role. It's a role that you asked for. It's a position that you accepted and now you're bothered by it. Annoyed by it.

don't want to be bothered by it. Now you can't find the time.

You have said that you were going to start this business. You came up with your business name. You patented some stuff. You went out and got some business loans. Or maybe you haven't. You came up with a name. You said, this is amazing. You may or may not have come up with a concept yet. But you refuse to go out and figure out what the business loan looks like. You refuse to go out and do networking. You refuse to go out and find people that are in the same field and to ask questions and to pick their brain and to see what information can be

viable for you. You don't want to do that. But you think you're going to be this phenomenal business entrepreneur and you are refusing to make connections with people. You are refusing to figure out how to balance books. You're refusing to learn the necessary requirements so that you can produce the outcomes of being a successful entrepreneur.

You want to get on social media and you want to become like some of these great influencers. That's all well and good. But you refuse to hit record. You refuse to sit down. You refuse to extend the invitation. You refuse to get into the studio. You refuse to use your phone. You're refusing. But it is you. I need you to remember that it was you.

that said that you were up for the challenge. was you that said that you were capable of producing these outcomes. It was you. And so now that you have...

done all the research, you've prepared yourself, you've become ready, you've figured out why you're doing it, for who you're doing it for, what you're actually doing, when you're going to get started. You understand that preparation means that you're going to make yourself ready for the next row. You are going to put things into a suitable order. You are going to make yourself ready. And the way you do that is by applying your effort.

is by doing your research and having an educational period. And I'm not saying go back to school. I'm just saying educate yourself on the topic, educate yourself on the position, educate yourself on the role, educate yourself on what is required. And then you ask yourself if you are really capable of producing those outcomes, if you even want to produce those outcomes. And then once you have gotten to that space,

walking into that space, not as a burden, walking into that space understanding that you are still going to be growing and learning, and it is still a process, understanding that walking forward,

It means that there are some things that you can't see way ahead of you. There are some roads that may not be straight. There may be some curves. There may be a downhill. There may be uphill. But the only way to figure it out is to keep walking forward. And so once you have

come to that understanding that there's still room to grow and that it's going to be a winding road that you're even going to have a learning curve. Yeah, because you're not going to come in at the top as an elite. You're not. And that's fine. The goal is to become competent and to become an expert in that field, in that role, in that position, in that relationship, whatever it looks like. The goal is always to be an expert in it.

But then to understand that this is something that you picked. This is a change that you said was necessary for you to fulfill the purpose in your life. This is something that you have declared was worth your time and your energy. And so because of that, you are capable of

doing everything that is necessary and producing the appropriate outcomes. to ask yourself, what have you positioned yourself for?

What have you positioned yourself for? Have you positioned yourself to be a better friend? Have you positioned yourself to be a better coworker?

Have you positioned yourself to take a promotional test? Have you positioned your lifestyle to walk into this new role? Have you gotten your affairs into a suitable order that you will be capable of walking into this new place in this new role? Have you gotten your finances into a suitable order that you are ready to walk into this place of your desired purpose and potential? What have you positioned yourself for?

It's just fool for thought.

Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions (33:06)
You've been listening to another episode of Challenge Accepted Sisterhood Sessions. Follow for more thought-provoking content on social media platforms, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok. You can also follow and subscribe on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. To be a guest on the podcast, email the host, that's S-A-M-O-N-E, at casisterhoodsessions.com. That is Samone, samone@casisterhoodsessions.com. Thank you for listening and until next time remember this is more than just a sisterhood it's a lifeline.